I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
sarcasm needs its own font
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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