I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize