Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
