In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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