I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
