Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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