Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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