Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
