hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
