My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
