I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What a dumb baby whore.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
