hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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