I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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