Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
