You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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