the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
