I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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