saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
