why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
