Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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