peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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