god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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