I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can you bring me the toilet please
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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