Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
