Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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