sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
