GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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