I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
