I just threw up on my dentist
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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