i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Watching her eat just hurts me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
