what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
