His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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