Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
