im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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