just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
