I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
