I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
