ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
