Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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