i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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