Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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