so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
