I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
