The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
