her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
