Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't deserve a penis
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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