Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
