My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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