Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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