Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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