she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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