I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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