I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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