she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
