We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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