dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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