shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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