I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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