You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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