I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
