i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
