They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
