This girl is more easily done than said...
nutella sex= disaster
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
