STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
