redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
