have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
