If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
